Appreciate Your Potential with Self-Compassion

When we’re going through a rough time in our work or personal life, it’s rare that we’ll stop and acknowledge the power of what we’re going through. Typically, we push forward to get things done, or “fix things”. We won’t focus on our own needs even while we’re busy getting things done for others. If we do stop and recognize that we’re stressed or run down, it’s rare that we show ourselves kindness. What would happen if you paused, acknowledged your feelings, and offered yourself a “soft guidance” in understanding what those feelings are telling you?

Don’t Mistake Self-Compassion For Self-Pity

Self-pity means feeling sorry for ourselves because of circumstances outside of our control. We fall into feeling like a victim; and sadly, it becomes easier to attach blame outside of ourselves. 

Self-compassion, on the other hand, means addressing our feelings as the first step toward showing ourselves kindness. Unlike sinking into self-pity, we don’t allow ourselves to obsess over those feelings. We can be strong enough to feel our emotions without being defined by them. We can overcome self-doubt to discover self-trust.

What Happens When We Don’t Meet Our Expectations?

When we experience a setback, either at home or at work, we often either get defensive or criticize ourselves. Neither path helps us move forward.

 Criticizing ourselves leads to:

·         Decreasing the potential for learning. We dwell on the unsuccessful or unanticipated outcome rather than acknowledge what it took for us to get there and what can learn from it.

·         Minimizing an opportunity for personal growth. When things didn’t go as planned, instead of focusing on the “failure”, dig into “what will I do differently the next time?”

·         Promoting “stuckness” – This will never work, why bother, this always fails, it’s not in the cards…. And the list goes on. I call these “why bother” attitudes.

Appreciating Our Potential Instead of Expecting Perfection

You Are Worth It. Of course, we’re not perfect and won’t win 100% at our attempts. Things in life aren’t always going to go our way. As a human, you deserve the same kindness, understanding and encouragement you would offer to another. Self-compassion is a loving gift you give to yourself and promotes positive, healthier behaviors and choices. It’s powerful to declare: “I am worthy of giving myself compassion”.

Self-compassion plays a vibrant role for career women navigating the demanding corporate world, where expectations are high. We are often overcome by increasing stress levels; and self-compassion can serve as a crucial anchor for maintaining well-being and resilience. It enables us to acknowledge our challenges and setbacks with understanding rather than harsh self-criticism. By cultivating self-compassion, you  can counteract feelings of inadequacy or imposter syndrome that may arise in competitive workplaces, fostering a healthier relationship with ourselves and our careers.

Treat Yourself as You Would a Deserving Friend

Think about it – if your friend or coworker was going through similar struggles and getting anxious or disappointed with herself, you’re likely to give her a hug, listen to her story, and remind her of all the great things she’s done. We treat others with concern, understanding and encouragement. Shouldn’t we care for ourselves the same way?

Imagine giving yourself the same empathy and encouragement that you would a friend or loved one. Don’t allow unrealistic expectations to give way to feeling defeated. You would be the first to point out to your friend that she gave it her best or bravely stepped out of her comfort zone – yet often we don’t show that compassion for ourselves. 

 You want to perform your best at work – so it’s helpful to understand how self-compassion can enhance performance by stimulating personal growth. Self-compassion can

·         increase your motivation to improve. 

·         help you “see” mistakes with greater clarity.

·         lead you to view your abilities as changeable and an opportunity for learning.

Start Today By Asking Yourself:

 ·         Am I being kind and understanding to myself?

·         Do I accept my shortcoming and failures as part of the human experience?

·         Am I keeping my negative feelings in perspective?

·         What has this experience taught me?

 Write down what you would advise a friend or loved one. Honor the moment with honest acknowledgement of emotions and feelings: This hurts, this is stressful, I feel like I am suffering.

 Offer yourself comfort with body practices: place your hand in your hand, cradle your face in your hand, place your hand on your heart, gently stroke your arms, brush your cheek. Connect in with yourself through mindfulness practices or breathing exercises.

Welcome kindness, understanding, encouragement – start by admitting, “I’m just as deserving as any other human.” Of course you’ll encounter suffering and setbacks from time to time. It’s all part of the human experience.