The Career Woman’s Curse: Expecting the Impossible of Yourself

As a professional whose vision includes rising to a vibrant position in your company, you’re constantly asked to set goals.

“What’s your career plan?” “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

Management wants to see you reach your greatest potential within your company, your family supports you, but let’s face it – no one’s harder on your ability to achieve than yourself. I often work with goal-oriented professional women who can see the future so clearly, they can almost touch it – and to attain that stature, they expect nothing less than 100% effort from themselves, sometimes to the point of being impractical and detrimental.

Are You Being Productive – or Self-Destructive?

“I want to do everything within my power to get ahead”. If that statement is familiar to you, read on. Have you ever stopped and asked yourself if your expectation of yourself borders on perfection? Do you believe that this vision of high-powered productivity is what it really takes to get ahead?

I have worked with talented professional women who are determined to make it to a certain level in their company within a specific amount of time – but who had not realized what their own expectations were doing to themselves and the people around them. After all, your professional life directly and indirectly touches your co-workers, management, friends, significant other, children and other family members.

The Worker Bee Meets the Gremlin

One client arrived at the realization that she had become so powerfully focused on working, working, working, to reach her goals – that her physical and mental well-being were pushed to the background. Her relationships took a hit. With co-workers, friends, and family, she was impatient, agitated, and cranky.

From the moment we began working together, she admitted her career aspirations were high. She suspected that this was impacting her health and her capacity to sustain and nurture healthy relationships. When she allowed her drive and goals to overcome her entire focus, her “stress gremlin came out” (as she put it). She finally acknowledged she had become her own worst enemy.

Taking a Step Back To Evaluate the Big Picture

Working together, we discussed the details of her situation, what was in her control and what she could start working on right away. She wasted no time and shot into action. She scheduled a meeting with her boss to see if demands she had placed on herself were in alignment with what he was anticipating from her. To her surprise, he revealed that he was concerned about her over-work! Her expectations certainly did not match his.

After checking her own beliefs against what management wanted to see from her, she set out to align these expectations with her actions in a way that made her feel she was achieving, but in a more thoughtful way. She started to craft time for herself and began with taking walks outside. She didn’t work all hours anymore; she continued to work more than the minimum required without going overboard.

Circling to her family, she held a conversation with her husband about goals for their own life together. Understanding and accepting these points of view, she started to see a clearer picture of a multi-dimensional and robust life.  

Having a More Caring Relationship with Yourself

Ironically, so focused on productivity, she had not been doing much for herself as a person. She admitted that when the “stress gremlins” came out, she was not nice to be with. She came to that understanding through our coaching journey and placed action plans into motion for the betterment of her own mental health as well as her relationships with others.

Together we worked on the “stress monster”, knowing when it was showing up and what to do about it. As a visual reminder, she purchased a sword to keep at her desk – to slay her “nasty stress gremlin. Her body and her demeaner softened. She was smiling more, and everyone around her saw a difference.  While she was still devoted to her career and meeting goals, she was kinder to herself, which made her a much happier person.

If any of this true story resonates with you, know that you’re not alone and that you, too can find a balance in your professional goals and personal well-being. Schedule a Discovery Call to understand how I can help.