Did You Leave Yourself on Mute?
In today’s professional world, women have made incredible strides in taking action to promote their career advancement. But while we have seen an increase in women stepping up to C-suite positions, some women still experience and battle their own limiting beliefs.
The stories we tell ourselves may come from our culture, our up-bringing, our experiences in school or even the people who love us. These thoughts limit our actions, cap our confidence, and prevent us from taking a chance on our own success.
I’ve worked with intelligent and educated professional women who hold themselves back from speaking up. Why?
“I am an introvert.”
“I have an accent.”
“Others have so much more experience than me, what can I offer?”
“What if I say something wrong?”
Change Your Perception to Discover the Reality
These thoughts about your own abilities are rooted in fear and often bear little resemblance to the truth. They are your perception of reality and unfortunately they are holding you back from showing the world what you have to offer. Your own limiting beliefs are stifling your voice, preventing you from expressing yourself confidently.
Perception is the result of assumptions; it doesn’t come from what’s actually happening around you. For example, “I have an accent , they might not understand me.” In reality, this country is full of exceptionally talented people with an accent, and they trust in their knowledge to squash any timidity about how they sound.
Or consider: Others have so much more experience than me, what can I offer? For some members of an organization, their extensive years of experience has led them to develop a somewhat fixed mindset, stemming from having some success with “the way we’ve always done it”. But as a result of your own unique journey, position and set of circumstances, you can offer an alternative perspective. If your point of view is “different”, don’t assume it will be perceived as “wrong”. Your contributions are not biased by previous experience, so don’t allow that to quiet your voice.
The Stifling Words of Others
Sometimes we hold ourselves back because we give credence to misplaced assumptions coming from others. Management in your company may fall on the easy stereotypes of a woman in her twenties or thirties being:
Too young for this level of responsibility
Too emotional to make authoritative decisions
Unable to handle a level of duties because there is a lot going on at home.
Just as erroneous is the mistaken assumption that “she can take more on since she doesn’t have kids.”
Finding Your Voice for Yourself
Stop right there - don’t blindly accept what you hear about yourself. Assess it.
Is there constructive information in there?
Is there an action you can take or behavior you can change that is aligned with your values to increase your presence?
Have the confidence to know and declare exactly what you need and what you want, without allowing others’ real or imagined opinions. Speak up at home and in the workplace when your goals are being blocked and your needs are being ignored.
Take the time to consider carefully what exactly do you want out of your career? What do you need from others in order to achieve it? We can no longer sit back and assume someone will step up and supply what we want, when in reality they may be happy to help but you have not asked them for anything. Even if you may think, “it’s obvious I need this from them”; in general, people have their own thoughts and conflicts and goals to worry about without guessing what’s going on in your head.
Finding Your Voice for Others
You may not have realized this, but standing up for yourself, speaking out, and asking for what you want and need is not only improving your confidence, it actually helps those around you (after all, there are no mind readers in existence).
Placing your own limiting beliefs aside and finding your voice can inspire and motivate others while it helps build trust with the people around you. I work with women in their early to mid careers find their voice and demonstrate their value and possibilities for exceptional contribution.
Yes, there may be discomfort at first. Gather your ideas into words. Take a breath. Be authentic.
It will get easier. I’m here to help.